Recovering with my Peeps

One breath at a time.

I caught pneumonia last week. Ella was fighting a cold, which she (in her most lovingly ways of kisses and hugs) shared with me. But I knew by Thursday evening it was something a little more serious than just a normal cold for me. And when Friday evening arrived, I feared the pneumonia bug had settled its nasty self in my lungs.

A quick visit to the urgent care on Saturday morning (after a breathing treatment and an x-ray) confirmed it.

That right lung . . . was full of ick. Antibiotics, steroids, and breathing treatments would do the trick. And I have found myself in and out of a medicated stooper since that day.

It's kind of crazy what your body goes through when fighting off an illness like this. This is my second bout of pneumonia . . . I think I first suffered through it three or four years ago. It certainly isn't any easier this time - other than the fact that I kind of know what to expect. It definitely takes so much energy from you, that it is almost impossible to think of anything else in the world while battling it. Keeping focused on your breaths coming in and out, and trying to get enough oxygen into your body . . . yes, it takes quite a lot of energy. Those lungs . . . you kind of need them to live, I'm guessing.

I have found myself in various stages of delusion the past few days.

Friday evening, I lay in bed imagining my lungs were a balloon filling with air in each breath that I took - although my balloon would not inflate completely. With eyes closed, I prayed for that last little bit of air to go into my lungs, but it just couldn't find it's way. That tiny section of balloon crushed at the bottom would not inflate . . . and it was frustrating. That's when I knew this was more than just a cold.

Saturday evening, I found myself focusing on the strength of those in my life. As I lay in bed in a heavily medicated state, my eyes drifted in and out of sleep with the image of loved ones gathered around me. It was the most haunting yet comforting feeling I think I have ever felt before, and as I close my eyes right now, I can picture their faces looking over at me. I am lying in bed, with Katie and Ella laying at my sides. Phil is at the right side of my head, with his face close to mine. To my left, my mother and sister and brother-in-law, followed by my sister-in-law June, and brother Joe.  To my right, next to Phil, my sister-in-law Maria, my oldest and dearest friend Kathleen, my soul friend Peggy, my mother-in-laws Lill and Rita, and my father-in-law Rich.

What a mix of people. I am surprised myself by much of it.

It's funny . . . as I lay there Saturday night, I would move people in out of the mix, but none gave me the feeling of peace as the grouping I described above. In and out I came from sleep, and in and out I moved the image of people from this group . . . but none made me feel as comforted as these.

My peeps.

So I lay there Saturday, and pulled from their strength.

I know it sounds utterly ridiculous . . . but it was some sort of experience . . . that evening . . . that pulled me through. Their faces were encouraging, as if cheering me on . . . smiling . . . sharing their strength. And I felt it.

I should add that there were many more people around us . . . in layers. Mary, Rose, Pam, Jorie, Nicole, so many friends who I gain strength from. They were definitely in the room. But those first faces . . . they were clear. And I felt so strong in their presence.

I want badly to remember that moment, so I am writing about it today. I am still feeling very weak, and still short of breath this morning, but the wheezing has improved so much - I am confident I am on the mend.

I may be gone for a week or so - but I promise to be back as soon as I can. Until then, I wish you good health, and a life surrounded by your strongest peeps. Pull from them when you need them, my friend . . . I am fairly certain they don't mind.

Wishing you Peace.