Bursting

I've been stuck in an artless state for a few months now. Feeling unmotivated. Uncertain. Questioning what direction to go next, without so much as an ounce of creative passion in me. There is a huge amount of pressure and expectation that I put on the artist in me. Creating art is sort of a must, if you want to make money in your art.

And I wasn't creating a thing, nor did I have a desire to do so.

I was hopeless.

It was icky.

I thought, "Maybe that was it. It was a nice run. . . maybe you're done." 

Seriously.

I meditated. I walked. I looked at the birds.

I listened to music.

I traveled. I drank wine. I laughed.

I watched people. I read blogs. I read books.

I sat in my mess of a studio without a bit of inspiration, and looked at the piles and piles of supplies I had . . . not knowing where to even begin.

I sketched . . . a little. But nothing moved me. Not a single thing.

Then, it was my birthday.

I don't usually make much out of my birthday. I don't like or want attention, and my family knows it. Phil was out of town, and it was just a regular day. And it felt like that . . . just a regular day. . . and . . . I was sad.

I thought to myself, "well . . . this is what you wanted." 

But in my heart, it wasn't.

So, I grabbed a sharpie and a sketch book . . . and before I knew it . . . this came out of me . . .

It was what I felt deep inside.

I didn't like that feeling. Not one bit.

But, I liked the drawing.

Very much.

So, I did another . . .

And it made me giggle . . . because I took a silly picture of myself and printed it on my computer, and added it to my sketchbook.

It's exactly how I feel about life right now, and it makes me laugh.

So, I put it on Facebook.

And a couple people liked it. And it made me happy.

So, I did one more . . . because I felt like it was calling me . . .

I looked at this one a long time . . . it's funny how the universe speaks to you when you need it most, you know? I read it over and over, and thought, "hmmm . . . maybe THIS is what I plan to do. Maybe THIS is what is next."

Yes, sometimes I think it's easier if someone would just throw a brick at me.

I did another . . . because I really love this prayer . . .

I shared it on Facebook, too . . . and more people liked it . . . and it made me happy, again.

Then, I added some color . . . because I like color . . .

And I thought, "hmmm . . . maybe I should try color again." 

So, I did . . .

It speaks to me. A lot.

Now, I'm bursting. Truly, Bursting.

The ideas keep coming, and I can't stop.

And I feel excited, like my mind is full of hundreds of little thoughts just waiting for to be released.

I don't know where it will take me, but I am so grateful for this feeling right now.

And it all started by getting back to my basics with just a sketch pad, and a sharpie. I got away from all the clutter - all the supplies - all the expectations. I listened to my heart and found words that truly touch my soul, and I am making work that really is from my heart.

Thank you, for being along for this ride and letting me share it with you.

I am most grateful for you.

Wishing you Peace, my friend.

If you are interested in any of my prints, check in my Etsy shop next week. I am not sure what I'll be offering, but if something I have made touches your heart, too, perhaps you will want a copy of it for yourself! I hope to have many of my new art available in note cards and prints. It's exciting! 

xo