Corresponding Joy

Joy. 

What a great word. A feeling of great pleasure and happiness. To rejoice.

Even saying it is fun. “Joy”

This morning, while sitting at our kitchen table, I said it a number of times. Sometimes fast. Sometimes slow. JOY. joy. JOYYYY. Yes, it’s a great word. (And yes, I realize that I sound kinda of nuts.)

You see, I haven’t been feeling it. I mean, at all. Nothing. And yes, I hear you . . . I know that it is OK not to feel it. I know that we are going through some stuff and we are processing and grieving and working on it and feel what we should feel and everything is normal. I know that I am doing ok. But I have been in such a funk that I have struggled to SMILE some days. And if you know me, you know that smiling is one of my things. But my heart . . . my heart is broken.

When I woke this morning, I told myself that I have to try to find something to bring JOY to my soul.

Today, dear friends, I am making a conscious decisions to fill myself with joy. With bright colors and happy reading and journal drawing and letter writing and good coffee and . . .  joy.

It is harder than one would think. But today, I feel like I have to try. I felt dark last night. Alone. So very sad. I wanted to sleep. I was achy and drained. We had two really nice classes at the Art Shoppe during the day, so it was a productive day. But when I got home last evening, I was just . . . down.

When I woke this morning, I opened all the blinds and shades in the house to let some natural light
 in. As I walked from room to room, I knew I needed something more. The light felt good, but it wasn’t enough. Quickly I went to my “bag-o-fun” that I keep in the corner of our living room (it my junk bag of inspiration that hold things that make me happy), and I pulled out the necessities. I told myself, “that’s it - we have to work for the joy today. So let’s bring it,” and I piled the kitchen table with those things that I love. Inspirational magazines I have collected in the past few months that I haven’t cracked open once, specific cards I have bought for dear loved ones that I haven’t mailed, a bright colored art journal and some new pastels and colored pencils I haven’t used nearly enough, my favorite pencil, and my Frida headband of flowers . . . because, you know, Frida makes everything better. Oh, and an Iced coffee - that I made in Laura’s to-go cup that my brother-in-law had given to me . . . because when you have the same initial as your sister, you are pretty lucky (for a whole bunch of reasons.)

I scattered my goodies on the table, and sat for a minute.

Joy.

These are the things that get my heart to stir a little. These are the things that bring me joy. And for a brief few minutes right here, I remembered what it felt like. My heart . . . stirred, and I thought, “It’s not gone. You still have it. You will find it again.”

It’s funny how you go through these periods of such intense sadness in your life - in your head, you know you will get through it - but deep in your heart, you wonder if you will ever find the joy again. Maybe it’s just me. But my friends, I truly have wondered.

So this morning, I wanted to share it with you. To let you know that I felt it. That I know it is there. And I know I will feel it again. I just have to work to find it, sometimes.

And my dear friends, I hope you have it in you. The Joy.

And may you have it this very moment.

Thank you for being here, as always.

Peace.