A Letter . . . on Father's Day

Dear Dad,

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I came to see you today. It's been a long time since I have been by, and I'm sorry for that. I do talk to you all the time, so hopefully you'll forgive me for not visiting in a while. But, I brought you a cup of coffee today, from Dunkin. A small with cream and sugar, just like you used to drink it. I'm sure people will think that I am nuts that I left it there for you . . . but I don't care. I know that you got a chuckle out of it, for sure.

So much has changed in the time you have been gone, Dad. You know, I have two little girls now. Oh, Daddy, you would just adore them. Katie is sensitive and thoughtful, but has this dramatic side to her that I am sure you would say comes from me. And Ella . . . oh, Dad, Ella is just about the best little thing you could ever imagine. Funny funny funny. You would just love her so much! I could imagine you running around with her tickling her and making her laugh - oh, I'm sure that you two would have been the best of friends . . . if you would have met her.

I haven't cried over you in a while. I think in the eight years you have gone - that the pain has healed, a little. That . . . or maybe I don't allow myself to think too deeply about you - because I'm sure the tears would start. Just seeing your name on the tombstone brought this overwhelming feeling over me - like my heart was in my throat. But to kneel by your side today brought this feeling of peace. I sure miss you, Dad. I miss so much about you, that if I think about right now, it will feel almost as if you just left. It's an awful feeling.

But I have to tell you, Daddy, that you would be so proud of Phil. Oh, Dad . . . he is such a good good man. He is a wonderful husband, Dad. He's done so well for himself. Hard-working, intelligent, sincere. All of the qualities that I admire in you. And as far as a father . . . oh, Dad, he is a WONDERFUL amazing father. He is the apple of Katie and Ella's eyes. Just as you always were to me. And I am so lucky to have married him.  I just wanted you to know that. So you don't have to worry about me, just in case you were worrying. Ok?

Actually, Dad. I am really good. Yes, I've been a little down lately. But I want you to know, that I am good. I have an amazing life, Dad, one that you would be so proud of. I have a home, a car, I pay my bills, always have food on the table, and I laugh, alot. I have this blog thing that you wouldn't totally understand . . . but it's a great place for me to create and share my words with other. And I have met some people from all around the world, Dad! From France, Italy, Australia, England . . . to all over our own country from California, Florida, Alabama, Minnesota . . . well, just about EVERYWHERE. Oh, it's a really cool thing.

Sissy is doing really well, too, Dad. She married a great guy named Claudio who is so much like YOU, it's funny. You would have been best friends with him. Oh, and Touhy . . . oh, don't worry about her, Dad. She is married, too, and has a gorgeous little girl. Yes, all of your girls are doing just fine, Dad.

Mom is doing well, too. She has a social calendar that books up faster than mine did when I was in college. She's made a number of really wonderful friends since you have been gone, and they all keep a special eye on her. She misses you, I know, and often talks about how she wishes you were here with us all. But she's a survivor. She's good, Dad. She had her knee replaced a couple years ago, and the other one is acting up now. But you know us - we always say we'll send her to Peoria if we need to! Speaking of Peoria - J & J are doing great, too. We went to Disney with them a few weeks ago. The girls love their Auntie and Uncle, and we had a blast. Oh, and Dad . . . just so you know . . . I've worked really hard on the B & D relationship, too. And I am really proud to say, that we are good. Really really good. As a matter of fact, I sat at their house last night listening to B go on about a story and thought, "Gees, I never would have imagined 5 years ago that I would be sitting here today listening to this." You'll be happy to know that, I am sure.

So, here we are, Dad. I'm sure I've taken up enough of your time. I know you probably have a Cubs Championship game to watch (as I'm certain in heaven your team ALWAYS WINS!). I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that not a day goes by when I don't think of you. And while life is really good right now - there is a big part of it that just sucks since you've been gone. I guess the part that sucks, is the part without you. Sorry about the language, but it's just true. (I don't really like that word - sucks - and find it really weird just typing it now, as I never really say it. But there is no other way to explain my feeling right now. So, that word has got to stay.)

I miss you more than I words could say, Dad. And if you have a second one night . . . maybe you could visit me in my dreams. It's been so long since you've done that.

Love you to the moon and back,
Your Daughter
Leanne