From Chaos Comes Happiness

My dearest friend Kathleen and I talked last night about Faith. First, while talking on the phone, then continuing our thoughts through text as more things came to our minds on the subject. My friend has always been one of the most faithful individuals in my life. For 40 years, she has been in my life . . . and for 40 years I have admired the constant presence God has had in hers. I have spent a great part of these 40 years trying to learn from her, to follow her examples, to trust, to pray, to do all those things people of great faith do. Some times I have been successful at it. Other times, not so much. She told me last night, as she has told me many times the past few months, "I pray for you everyday... so when you can't pray, I am praying for you." That is a beautiful friend. But, I am trying. I am trying to find my faith. Truly, I am. But the sadness I have been feeling seems greater each day, instead of less. I keep thinking - maybe I am doing somethin...

This popped up on my Facebook feed the other day. I sat and read the words over and over.  That is true, right? I looked it up . . . just to make sure.  Nope . . . nothing in the definition of "broken" suggests, to me  , that something can be fixed.  Well, that sort of sucks.  I am trying, anyway. To be fixed.  It is hard.  Phil took me away for a few days. He had to visit Miami Beach for work (rough, I know. Especially in the middle of January.) He convinced to me tag along and try to get some rest - to try and clear my mind and sooth my soul. I am so grateful for the opportunity to do that. To just . . . BE.  But sometimes "BEing" can be really, really difficult.  The weather was gorgeous. The drinks were plentiful.    The beach was truly . . . breathtaking.  And my soul . . . my soul rested.  But sometimes . . . when your heart is broken . ....

Well . . . how do you do, dear friend? I am here. My blog. (insert  . . . . HUGE sigh). 2017 was the last time I visited this space in the universe. Sitting here right now, I feel completely lost. Like, I have no idea who the person was who used to write and share thoughts in this online journal of sorts. Although I am still me ( in some regards) . . . in others, I am completely different. I knew it was time to return to the Land of Blog because this blog has always been my therapy. And my friends, I am in need of it. My safe place. My safe place space to cry. My safe place to write. My safe place to share.  Friends, I have a lot to share. A lot of it is good. And some of it . . . is not. The 'not' is where my head is right now . . . where my soul is. My sister. My sister left this world on December 17th. She was diagnosed with a rare and rather agressive form of cancer. She passed 4 weeks after her diagnosis. And my heart is broken. So, I am back. I ...