Being "Fixed" . . . or at least Trying

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This popped up on my Facebook feed the other day.

I sat and read the words over and over. 

That is true, right? I looked it up . . . just to make sure. 


Nope . . . nothing in the definition of "broken" suggests, to me , that something can be fixed. 

Well, that sort of sucks. 

I am trying, anyway. To be fixed. 

It is hard. 

Phil took me away for a few days. He had to visit Miami Beach for work (rough, I know. Especially in the middle of January.) He convinced to me tag along and try to get some rest - to try and clear my mind and sooth my soul. I am so grateful for the opportunity to do that. To just . . . BE. 

But sometimes "BEing" can be really, really difficult. 

The weather was gorgeous.

The drinks were plentiful. 
 



The beach was truly . . . breathtaking. 


And my soul . . . my soul rested. 


But sometimes . . . when your heart is broken . . . those moments of "BEing" make you miss something in your life so deeply, that all you can do it cry. Sometimes "BEing" makes you feel really terribly and horribly guilty that YOU are BEing - and someone you love so very much . . . is not. Sometimes "BEing" makes you want to crawl up in a ball and just never get up again (or at least, never get up for a long time.)

Damn, being broken is the hardest thing. 

But being fixed? Well  . . . I will let you know how that feels when I get there. 

Wishing you peace, dear friends. 
xo 

Comments

  1. Kelly WarrenJanuary 28, 2019 at 9:05 AM

    Hang in there, sweet friend. Good that you took that time to get away. I don't think you are ever really "fixed" after the loss of a very close family member. But you do learn how to move forward, and each day you learn to live a little more freely in the loss. You'll honor your sis by moving forward with both of your dreams. Good to see you in this space again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Peggy KJanuary 28, 2019 at 11:17 AM

    If "fixed" means to put back the way it originally was, that will never be. You are forever changed in losing her. But the same can be said for you being who you are because of her. This blogging world of ours has brought the opportunity to meet people who hold us in their hearts, without ever having met them face to face. And for that, you will grow ever stronger. Changed, but stronger.

    ReplyDelete

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