The Back Burner
I’ve been doing some soul searching this week . . . well, actually today. Funny, isn’t it, how one day of heavy thinking can feel like a lifetime? Ah, such is life. I can’t believe that it is mid-October already. The days, months, year is flying by, and it seems like as good of time as any to re-evaluate what I’m doing, where I’ve been, and where I’m going emotionally, physically and spiritually. You know . . . the whole "goals" thing.
Next year (2011), I will be turning 40 years old. Wow. No longer will I be in the 30-something category.
Next year is my “Someday.” While I don't find myself in the same life Sally is referring to (I am married with children), I still feel that “Someday” feeling.
My goal was to take myself on a trip to Italy for my 40th Birthday. Wow. Just saying it sounds so . . . lovely . . . doesn’t it? I’ve never been to Italy. Never been to Europe. What the heck, I just got to Disney World this year. Europe was as far as another planet to me.
So, that was the plan. Europe. Italy. 2011.
Again, I remind you . . . I know that my LIFE is SO SO GOOD. When one can write a post about "Not Going to Europe" on vacation (booo hooo) . . . one has a pretty darn good life. This realize I. (Sorry, just broke out in a little 'Yoda' talking there.)
Goal: The end toward which effort is directed.
Goals can be changed, right? At least that’s what my mother-in-law, Rita, reminded me of. I find that I’m coming to terms with the reality of life right now, and am making some changes to my goals. I’m ok with it. I really am. Because I know that my life is a good one. Even when changing my goals.
I’m having a flashback to that awesome scene in “When Harry Met Sally” where Sally is in the middle of an all out emotional melt down over the fact that she is alone in life. Do you remember the scene? She is sitting on her bed in her bedroom, bawling her eyes out because Joe (the ex-boyfriend from college) is engaged . . . to someone else. The dialogue:
- Sally: He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.
- Harry: If you could take him back now, would you?
- Sally: No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?
- Harry: Nothing.
- Sally: I'm difficult.
- Harry: You're challenging.
- Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.
- Harry: But in a good way.
- Sally: No, no, no, I drove him away. AND, I'm gonna be forty.
- Harry: When?
- Sally: Someday.
My goal was to take myself on a trip to Italy for my 40th Birthday. Wow. Just saying it sounds so . . . lovely . . . doesn’t it? I’ve never been to Italy. Never been to Europe. What the heck, I just got to Disney World this year. Europe was as far as another planet to me.
So, that was the plan. Europe. Italy. 2011.
But, life is happening before my very eyes. And I am facing the reality that after the Disney World trip this year, there is no way that we can financially do the Italy thing next year. I mean, we could do it. . . and not eat, drink, have a home, clothes, or send our kids to school for the next year. But I’m beginning to think that perhaps those other things might trump Italy for just a little while longer.
This week I shared that revelation with PG. He was sad and disappointed, for I know that he wanted to see my goal come true and get me there during my big 4-0. But he knows, just as well as I do, that we need to focus on life today . . . and not dream about tomorrow.
Dream: a strongly desired goal or purpose; something that fully satisfies a wish
Again, I remind you . . . I know that my LIFE is SO SO GOOD. When one can write a post about "Not Going to Europe" on vacation (booo hooo) . . . one has a pretty darn good life. This realize I. (Sorry, just broke out in a little 'Yoda' talking there.)
Dreams are good. Goals are good. But sometimes, it’s ok to put them on the back burner.
It will make them that much better when they are moved front and center, don’t you think?
Oh, and one more side note . . . It's especially OK to put these goals on the back burner, as I’ve made friends with some absolutely charming and lovely blogland people from Europe. Both “News from Italy” and “A Lady In France” . . . and it’s almost as fun living vicariously through them right now. I hope they don’t get sick of me! I fear I’ll be visiting their blogs constantly until I can get there for myself.
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| Photo compliments of my sister, Laura, from her and CT's visit to Italy a few years ago. Thanks, sister! |
So, is there anything you are putting on the back burner? Leave me a comment . . . I'd love to know. . .
What a lovely post Leanne! 40...still so young with plenty of time ahead of you my friend. I say this with total confidence because I have 50 staring me in the face. Italy is a lovely place, at least it was when I lived in Europe in the early 80's. My dream, or goal if you will is a trip back to Europe...I want very much to visit Ireland. I love the culture and the style and the simplicity of life there...though I have never been, I get plenty of it through music, books and TV...enough to know I want to go there. Here's looking at you kid...
ReplyDeleteWell, I am supposed to be cleaning right now and just wanted to check in then you wrote this amazing post and here I sit. This really touched me this afternoon. I have so many goals...I am just one of those people who wants to do it ALL! But really, when all is said and done...at this point in my life all I really want is to spend time with my kids. I know I keep saying this but Dave and I will be empty nesters in 6 years. And Jacks will be on his mission in 3!! ACK! Could this be true?
ReplyDeleteAnyway...I think I'm putting on the backburner decorating the way I would LOVE to. We can't afford it. And spending my days crafting non stop...my kids come first!!
BTW, I think we should have a party for your 4oth!! When is it again???;)
Really, you need to focus on making that Italy trip a reality. You'll be grateful you did forever after.
ReplyDeleteNot to sound crazy, but I agree with Liz. The crazy part is I am going to take what she said one step further. If you want something, focus on it and visualize it happening. Put pictures up of the thing that you want. Imagine yourself being there with your husband. Or your husband and kids. Imagine it so strongly that it is your reality. Don't think about the how. If you focus on that, it will keep you out of harmony from that which you want, which is the trip to Italy. Instead focus on what you want. All people who made their big "dreams" a reality did so by focusing on their dreams and letting the how fall into place. They let God take care of the how. Italy is beautiful. You will love it.
ReplyDeleteyou'll get there leanne...god will time it perfectly..he knows the desires of your heart...
ReplyDeleteand as far as the age thing goes...it gets better as you get older. believe me. it really does...
xo
It's great to dream, its when we stop dreaming that we have to worry. I know what you mean tho...not reaching goals can give you a case of the dumps. I think we live life backwards sometimes...when we are young and having kids we want so much to be able to have the money to do all the things we want. But then when we are old and have not kids in the house we'll have all the money to do these same things...I just hope we have the energy. :)
ReplyDeleteI am putting one thing off - only one. I was supposed to take a photography course. I found the one year program and know the steps I need to take to finalize what I want to do. I put it off year after year after year. I have tons of excuses - money, time, etc.
ReplyDeleteThis is an incredibly timely post. First of all, I just posted yesterday about my goals and how I haven't accomplished any lately. It's got me feeling a little... well, unaccomplished! Also, we've been planning and plotting our dream trip to Alaska next year, but now it looks like it may not happen in 2011 after all. :(
ReplyDeleteGood news though. Word has it both Italy and Alaska are going to be around for several more years!!! :)
I teared up as I read this post. I do believe that God gives us dreams, talents, and interests for a reason. But sometimes our timing is not God's timing.
ReplyDeleteI'm kinda feeling that right now. I have dreams and passions. I want so badly to write and publish a novel at some point in my life. I want to redirect my graphic design business which fell on it's knees because I have no time to vamp it up. I would absolutely love to start up a business that would bring enough to help cover some of the bills and eventually be enough for some nice play money.
All these dreams, desires, intersts, talents, and God is saying, "Wait. Take your time. Focus on your little babies. The time will come." And all the while, I'm thinking... time is slipping by. If I wait until Mom duty is over, I'll be dead. As much as I know that it's not death to the dream, only delay... it's still hard.
Thanks for sharing. It was timely. :)
(P.S. Came across you trhough the Nestwork.)
http://unsolicitedadvice-n-such.blogspot.com
I have been thinking about that 40th birthday also Leanne. Not sure if you read that post a few back, but you and I are doing some thinking because it is basically a midpoint in our lives. Hopefully we will live to 140, but it is still a time when we start to reflect. There are things I would like to do and your mother in law is right about goals changing. they change, because we change as we grow and experience this journey. I love that movie! Have a great night!
ReplyDeleteMama Hen
Goodness Leanne! This really was a timely post! Just today my blog "announced" that I was going to focus only on writing for my family, as much as I enjoyed the blogger world.
ReplyDeleteI am in the same boat as Brenners - so much I want to do, and somehow knowing that this time should be spent focusing on my babies. They won't be babies forever, and I need to learn patience until then. Thanks again for a great post.
I think to some extent...when we choose to have a family...we choose to put some of our dreams on hold. Or better yet, we develop different dreams. Ah...who knows what I'm sayin'...it's late over here!
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking we need a "visualize" discussion this weekend. I'm reading an amazing book that (as Robin suggests above) teaches you about deliberate creation.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, there's not a darned thing wrong with saying, "I'm not ready to do Italy at this point in my life because a) I want it to be a PG and me trip, and b) I'm not ready to leave the girls for a week minimum to fulfill one of my dreams. That's what being a mother is about. There's a reason the burners are at different heats. Some just need to simmer the stew for it to become the best ever!!
As for me, I've put so much on the back burner lately just to figure out what's important to me. I'll let you know when I figure it out.
Aw, my friend. I'm going to be 41 next month and my back burner dream is to not look like I'm 41!! I finally got the courage to post my current photo on my blog, pushed to do so by my husband to keep it real. I have to keep going for my dream that I can be fit and in good shape again.
ReplyDeleteNow, regarding Italy. It truly can be low budget, you know, especially depending on what time of year you go. Let's talk about that and I can help you brainstorm if you've not entirely let the dream go!
It makes me happy that you are enjoying your virtual visits to Italy and now I know exactly what you were talking about when you commented on 'News From Italy'. I am touched that you mentioned me here. Thankyou so much Leanne and I will share my little bit of Italy with you virtually until you get here to see it all for yourself. Dreams do come true but you will have to plan it for sometime in the future. I hope to help you keep the dream alive. Take Care.
ReplyDeleteOK, sister. We had been planning on going to Europe for years and kept putting it off. Then a friend of ours got sick, really, really sick (brain tumor) and we made us realize that life is short, too short and so we started a plan to get to Europe in a year. We did it, but needed that life lesson in our face. Get a coffee can, start saving, and set a date! We had a fabulous family trip that none of us will ever forget.
ReplyDelete