Processing the World of Me
My friends . . . where have you been?
And where, you may ask, have I been?
Processing. Just . . . processing.
Processing Life. The weeks. The days. The moments.
All of them.
It has been a particularly challenging year for me and my 44 year old self (whooaaaa - when did that happen? 44 years? I thought I was 30. 32 tops.) It has been a year of trying desperately to hold on to myself, while somehow letting myself go. A year of autopilot - trying to do what I needed to do when I needed to do it, but fighting with myself all the while. A year of quiet struggles within my own mind.
Yes, a challenging year, for sure.
I started to think of the areas in my life as separate neighborhoods within myself - little communities - each with their own needs and wants, and often requiring much at the most inopportune moments. Mommyhood. Wifehood. Laundryhood. Siblinghood. Workerhood. Daughterhood. Groceryhood. Friendhood. Artisthood. Brownie Coleaderhood. Art Teacherhood. Churchhood.
Some of those "hoods" have been visited often and are well taken care of. Others have been neglected and left for nothing. Still there - just abandoned.
But that is life, isn't it? I decided just a short while ago that I do a LOT of thinking. Perhaps too much thinking. I can think the hell out of any situation or obstacle that I find in front of me - can think the hell out of any cranky mood or bad day. Can justify "this or that" reasoning to every single uncomfortable challenge. Can get myself plum STRESSED to the MAX over what is on my plate. But the reality is . . . I filled my own plate.
I did.
Here's the thing . . . THIS is MY life . . . and every single NEIGHBORHOOD is MINE.
I think it's time I OWN it.
Because bitching about it - doesn't get me anywhere.
So today, I want to reclaim it.
A lot of analogies, I know. A lot of hidden meanings and things that you are trying to figure out, I bet.
Here is all you truly need to know:
I've been in a rut. A bad one.
I've cried a lot of tears this summer. Most of my friends and family don't even know.
I've blamed every single person and every single thing around me for feeling so miserable.
I have missed My Art. My blog. Me.
And I have no one to blame, but MYSELF.
I have a blessed life. A life BEYOND good.
I am surrounded by love. Daily.
True blue Love.
And I need to stop being such a . . . BABY.
I need to visit these neighborhoods in my life, because this IS my life. I need to find my happy places while there. And then I need to move on to the next one.
Because someday, in the blink of a moment, they could all be gone . . . these hoods. Gone. And every single hood, while here, is important.
That is what is so precious about life.
Sometimes, it just takes me a little bit longer to process and remember that.
Take care of your hoods, dear friend.
For it is each of these hoods that make up the Whole World of YOU.
And where, you may ask, have I been?
Processing. Just . . . processing.
Processing Life. The weeks. The days. The moments.
All of them.
It has been a particularly challenging year for me and my 44 year old self (whooaaaa - when did that happen? 44 years? I thought I was 30. 32 tops.) It has been a year of trying desperately to hold on to myself, while somehow letting myself go. A year of autopilot - trying to do what I needed to do when I needed to do it, but fighting with myself all the while. A year of quiet struggles within my own mind.
Yes, a challenging year, for sure.
I started to think of the areas in my life as separate neighborhoods within myself - little communities - each with their own needs and wants, and often requiring much at the most inopportune moments. Mommyhood. Wifehood. Laundryhood. Siblinghood. Workerhood. Daughterhood. Groceryhood. Friendhood. Artisthood. Brownie Coleaderhood. Art Teacherhood. Churchhood.
Some of those "hoods" have been visited often and are well taken care of. Others have been neglected and left for nothing. Still there - just abandoned.
But that is life, isn't it? I decided just a short while ago that I do a LOT of thinking. Perhaps too much thinking. I can think the hell out of any situation or obstacle that I find in front of me - can think the hell out of any cranky mood or bad day. Can justify "this or that" reasoning to every single uncomfortable challenge. Can get myself plum STRESSED to the MAX over what is on my plate. But the reality is . . . I filled my own plate.
I did.
Here's the thing . . . THIS is MY life . . . and every single NEIGHBORHOOD is MINE.
I think it's time I OWN it.
Because bitching about it - doesn't get me anywhere.
So today, I want to reclaim it.
A lot of analogies, I know. A lot of hidden meanings and things that you are trying to figure out, I bet.
Here is all you truly need to know:
I've been in a rut. A bad one.
I've cried a lot of tears this summer. Most of my friends and family don't even know.
I've blamed every single person and every single thing around me for feeling so miserable.
I have missed My Art. My blog. Me.
And I have no one to blame, but MYSELF.
I have a blessed life. A life BEYOND good.
I am surrounded by love. Daily.
True blue Love.
And I need to stop being such a . . . BABY.
I need to visit these neighborhoods in my life, because this IS my life. I need to find my happy places while there. And then I need to move on to the next one.
Because someday, in the blink of a moment, they could all be gone . . . these hoods. Gone. And every single hood, while here, is important.
That is what is so precious about life.
Sometimes, it just takes me a little bit longer to process and remember that.
Take care of your hoods, dear friend.
For it is each of these hoods that make up the Whole World of YOU.
There are times i read your posts and want to say something profound. But I want to take time to form the right words. At the same time, I want you to know that I've read your post and I hear you. So hugs, my dear friend. I'll be back to say more, but for now, hugs!!
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