From Chaos Comes Happiness

It's 3:30AM, and I am wide awake. The hubby is half way through a long business trip. The wind outside is heavy - with the vibration of the siding along the bedroom wall being so strong right now, I become more and more awake with each rattle. Ella lays next to me, deep asleep. I know it is not a good idea to let her continue to lay with me at night when daddy is out of town, but I have to admit - the company warms my heart. Although, tonight I envy her sleep. I have been doing better with my sleep in recent weeks . . . my dear friend Peggy gave me an essential oil diffuser at Christmas, with a wonderful sampling of some lovely oils that have helped me find peace each night. I created a little "intention corner" in our bedroom ( ok - it's really my night stand with a few little nic-nacs, but i think 'intention corner' sounds fancier, don't you? ) I do find myself taking a few minutes each night to enjoy the space - reflect - relax - breath - all t...

My friends . . . where have you been?       And where, you may ask, have I been? Processing. Just . . . processing.      Processing Life. The weeks. The days. The moments. All of them. It has been a particularly challenging year for me and my 44 year old self (whooaaaa - when did that happen? 44 years? I thought I was 30. 32 tops.) It has been a year of trying desperately to hold on to myself, while somehow letting myself go. A year of autopilot - trying to do what I needed to do when I needed to do it, but fighting with myself all the while. A year of quiet struggles within my own mind. Yes, a challenging year, for sure. I started to think of the areas in my life as separate neighborhoods within myself - little communities - each with their own needs and wants, and often requiring much at the most inopportune moments. Mommy hood.  Wife hood.  Laundry hood.  Sibling h...

  Phil is out of town. Has been all week. We have a few more days until he returns . . . and I can't wait. My brain is full. This happens from time to time. I sit in silence, but the thoughts keep coming at me full force. I can't work them all out. Usually, when he is in town, I can bounce them off him. He listens (or maybe sometimes doesn't), but he is physically there receiving them. Right now, not so much.  So I am sitting in my living room this very minute, windows open with a gentle breeze coming in and out, the sounds of cars driving by, birds singing, neighbors talking, and my own two girls playing Barbie's all taking place in the background.  And me . . . the mind is just going.  So I thought I would capture these thoughts . . . as many as I could . . . in no particular order. Thoughts like . . .  I am so grateful for that dishwasher. I wonder how many times other people run theirs? I wonder how often people have to get new machines. What is the going a...

Lately, I find myself spending a good part of each and every day trying to not have a panic attack - which is absolutely ridiculous, and I get angry just to hear myself say it. I don't know how other people handle it . . . this thing called life.  How they meet all of their responsibilities and deal with everything on their plates without going into a complete and total breakdown is just beyond me. God Bless 'em.   Some days, as I'm driving in the car, I find myself taking deep breaths in and out and counting to 10 just to keep myself from hyperventilating. The car is when I do a lot of thinking - when it all seems to catch up with me. So I breath in and out, over and over, trying to re-group. It all will get done. It all will be fine. I can do this. I tell myself those things . . . over and over again.   And I've got it so easy, too. Really.  I know this as clear as day. I know that there are  people out there that have it bad. Really bad. I don't ...

November.               It's November.                                Holy Cow.                                               I still don't know where April, May, June or July went.                                                              ...

As we approach the end of July (WHAT?!?! Did I just say "approach the end of JULY?!" What in the world happened to the first 7 months of this year?) . . . I digress . . . eh-hem . . . As we approach the end of July, I find it a fitting time to review and take inventory on our Word of the Year thus far. Remember that whole "Word of the Year" thing that I write about, or have written about, for many years now? (Click here if you need to be reminded.) Yes, the Word of the Year. Again, the whole idea originates from Scrapbook extraordinaire Ali Edwards , who reminds us that, "One little word can have big meaning in your life if you allow yourself to be open to the possibilities." My dear friend, Mary (my beloved Food Floozie ) actually reminded me of our words while visiting last month. As we strolled through the amazing galleries at the Art Institute of Chicago, she brought up the subject of our words. At first, I felt my stomach sink . . . can it b...

You know it's been a while since you've blogged when you go to sign into blogger, and actually have to THINK about the user name and password you are entering to get into your blog. Yes, that's me. I've been an absent blogger. I learned a long time ago that the key to a successful blog is consistency. Consistency in blogging. Consistency in reading other blogs. Consistency in leaving comments on other blogs. Consistency. Consistency. Consistency. I haven't been very consistent. For that, I apologize. If you are still here and still reading this post, then I say, "THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart!" And here's something else for you . . . I miss you. I miss writing. I miss sharing my daily stories and my journeys and my art and my life. I miss gathering my thoughts and putting them out here for all to read (or at least the 180 so followers I have.) I always have ideas to write about, you know? Usually when I'm driving in my car, ...

Note: I think we will do a Blog Post #601 or Blog Post #602 give-away. I'm in need of writing today, and the subject just doesn't fit with a give-away. So we're going to postpone our celebration for a few days, if you don't mind. Thanks, dear friend! So, my Mom had surgery for her left knee replacement yesterday. She is doing really well today - in a bit of pain (which is expected) - but she is on the road of recovery and needs to go through the steps to getting back to normal. She'll be recovering at home this time, and I'll be staying with her for a few days to assist her with whatever she needs. So far, so good. Knee replacements. Kind of like a getting new tires put on, don't you think? While leaving the hospital late last evening, I started thinking about how very much our bodies are like automobiles. No, I'm not the first one to make an analogy like this. But I think it's the first time I really thought about it, and actually got it. Ther...

Oh, I'm here! I'm here!!! Yes, I'm late. But, I am here. So, grab your coffee (or afternoon tea) and comfy chair, and let's catch up. Thanks for stopping by! Wishing you a wonderful week, my dears!

Something made me write this letter to myself. Some need to remind myself of how far I've come and remind myself of where I want to go. But primarily, a letter to get myself out of Funkytown. This, my friends, is my Letter to Me. Dear Me, Hi there . . . it's me. Well, it's you , actually, writing a letter to . . . you. I mean, me. Myself. I. (Oh boy, if I keep going in this direction, we're going to be here a while.) The truth is, I think you hit the nail right on the head yesterday in your post. And I think that it's time you have a good long talk with yourself. Because it seems pretty clear to me that YOU are the only person who can get YOU moving right now. So, here we go. You see, now that we realize what the problem is, I think we need to address it and then . . . MOVE ON. Alright? But before we do that, I think there are a couple of things you need to hear. Things that you need to tell yourself. Out loud. Because, my ...

I think I need snow. Or warmer weather. Kind of silly, isn't it? To wish for snow in one breath, and then warmer weather in another. It's been unseasonably lovely here in Chicago this week. But I think this whole loveliness outside has my psyche in a tither. At this point in the season, I'm usually hybernating. Locked up, shades down, fireplace on . . . settling in for a *long*winters*night. It was 55 degrees outside today. I should be happy. Right? But, I'm lost. I just sat down and read my dear friend Leslie's blog today . . . so inspiring, so motivating, so full of energy. I LOVE IT. Yet, I feel like I'm so far from that place . . . I've hit Funkytown, folks. You know Funkytown, right? It's right next to Crankville . Ah, Crankville . . . remember Crankville?  Oh, the good ol'blog days , huh? Well, Funkytown is right next to Crankville. And it's a completely different place. It's not that "cranky" state of mind. ...

We had some pretty rainy days here in Chicago last week. A whole bunch of drops fell, as many of us ran from store to store preparing for our Thanksgiving gatherings. Yes, I found myself in the middle of some pretty cold and damp days that left me chilled to the bone. And thinking . . . . about rain . . . and heaven. I'm not an umbrella sort of person. I think I'm actually umbrella-challenged. Many a times I have found myself the unfortunate soul whose umbrella flips inside out, or with spokes that have cracked and left half of my umbrella collapsed and hitting me in the face. Not a pretty picture, I tell you. And I find it almost impossible to get my car, open the door, sit down, close the umbrella, and pull it into the car with me . . . without getting myself absolutely soaked in the process. Yes, I am what you would call "umbrella-challenged", and I am not afraid to admit. While driving around last week, I started to think...

I haven't been enjoying the little moments lately. You might be surprised by that. If you know me, you know that I am usually ALL ABOUT the little moments . . . taking notice of the birds, the leaves, dirty feet and lollipops. All things I have caught a glimpse of in the past and have written of here. But lately, I'm trying to just get by. Trying. Trying to raise my daughters. Trying to keep my house going. Trying to balance the national debt ( our debt, that it). Trying to start a business. Trying to be a friend. Trying to be a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a wife, a mother. Trying to be me. And the little moments? They are getting lost in the middle of all of the chaos. They are being overlooked and swept aside for something more pressing. Like, laundry. Or, groceries. Or . . . you know. Life. And I miss them . . . the little moments. I feel the difference in my soul. Because those little moments make up the person I am. And when I am without them, I feel empty. ...

I don't know where the days are going. Or the hours, for that matter. It feels like fast motion, again. Seems to happen every fall. So many things I want to accomplish by the end of the year, and the clock is ticking. So many things happening each and every day. Life is definitely good, but it's going by so fast. And some days, I need it to slow down. PG has been home this week, which has been such a bonus. I have gotten so used to him being out of town, that I forgot how good it feels to have him home. After a pretty hectic weekend of parties and visits with family, we had a few hours Monday afternoon of just our family (PG, Me, Katie and Ella), and those few hours did a world of good for my soul. Monday afternoon, I found myself in our car with my husband and my daughters . . . and realized that there was no place else on this earth where I would have rather been at that very minute. And how there are no other people on this earth who I would have rather been with. I ...

I was in a gloomy mood yesterday. Big time gloomy. After what seems like WEEKS of sunshine and glorious weather, it was a cold, damp, rainy day. Not only were we covered with rain drops all day, but I felt like there was a big dark cloud stuck right above my spirit. And it bummed me out . . . BIG time. By 8:30 PM last evening, I was ready to put it all behind me. After tucking in the girls and changing into my PJ's, and knowing that PG was out of town (and I didn't feel much like doing anything myself), I went straight to bed. I think I was already asleep as my head lowered to the pillow. The next thing I knew, it was 6:00 AM and my alarm clock was going off. Sleep. Sometimes our souls just need that. As I showered and got ready for the day, I decided that I wasn't going to let my poopy spirit come out. No matter what the weather was like today, I was going to make the best of it. So, I headed downstairs with a pep in my step, and a plan in my brain. Farina. I...

I had a pounding headache last night. One of those, “I need to go and lay down” sort of headaches. Don’t worry – I can’t even remember when I had one of these before and I am feeling tons better today. I think it was a combination of not drinking enough water during the day and the whole sinus/weather goofy/allergy crazy pounding head kind of day, you know? So, after dinner, I told PG I had to lay down. I felt if I tried to keep functioning and doing things around the house, my brain would have exploded. That’s never a good thing. So, I found my way to the bed and rested my head. I think I’ve watched too many episodes of ER . That, or Greys Anatomy . Whatever the case – I was certain that it was “the big one.” You know, the Fred Sanford “I’m coming Elizabeth!” one. So, as I lay on my bed and could practically feel the gunk in my sinuses move from one side of my brain to the other, a good ol’fashioned “Random Thinking Moment” started and I began to think about what I would ...

I've been thinking so much about this post my friend, Nicole, wrote. The title "I think my chakras are blocked" grabbed me the moment I read it. YES. That's exactly it! I think MY chakras are blocked! And I have been thinking about it ever since. Nicole wrote: "I came to the conclusion - my spirit is blocked. There is a wall inside, and it's dark a nd it's negative. My potential is not even close to being tapped into. No, I am NOT nurturing myself. I am being lazy, I am resting.. resting all the damned time - but never feeling peace. Every once in a while, when I have spent a little time alone, I regroup and a twinge of hope surfaces. But that underlying, dynamic "ME" is hiding in there." I feel that. All of it. Way too often lately. So, I've got some spirit cleaning up to do. Tomorrow, I am getting together with my Scrapbook Cellar babes ( LT , CE and PK ). It's been way too long since we've gathe...

 Google Image search . . . Oprah Winfrey 2011 Well, I've come to this realization that it's too late for me . . . and Oprah. It's shocking. I know. But she's counting down, you know. I think there are 7 shows left. I guess that's probably it. I mean, I'm sure they have the last 7 shows already scheduled, don't you think? Hmmmm . . . . I guess I just didn't make it. Nope, I won't be a guest on her show. Bummer. I always thought I would. Like, perhaps after I wrote that really cool book. You know . . . the one that would make a bazillion dollars that came from a story in my dreams about the vampires? Yeah, I thought that would be me. Or maybe I would be a guest on her show after she discovered I was her half sister. Ok, maybe not. At least I thought I would be on the show when my husband would declare his love for me by jumping up and down on her couch. No? Oh. Ok. Well, then, there was that whole idea I had that maybe someday ...

So much happening in the world right now. The news makes my stomach churn. So many scary scary things. PG left for another business trip today . . . and while his absence is short (only two days this time), the thought of him traveling to the other side of the country right now has left me uneasy. But, he will be home soon. This I know. Tonight the girls played outside for hours and hours, as the recent gloomy and rainy days have taken a rest (finally.) I sat on the front stoop of our home listening to the sounds of their footsteps running outside, followed by their squeals and laughter. Then I glanced over to my magnolia tree, and found that our tulips are in bloom . . . As our country searches for those who have fought against us, As people sacrifice their lives for my safety, and the safety of my daughters, As men and women, half way around the world, defend the beliefs our country was started with, and protect people who are unable to protect them...