Two Weeks of Joy
I have been doing it. Each and every day. Taking those little moments of joy and capturing them by feeling and by photo, and sharing them on my Instagram page. And I have learned SO much - it has been a lovely study, so to speak, about mind over matter. About pulling myself out of a funk and recognize that even while funky, there is so much joy. Not BIG "Disney World" sort of joy. I am talking day to day joy . . . the little things. Even in a funk, you can find it.
I have said this before . . . perhaps here on the blog, definitely to friends and to myself . . . the past few years have been hard. I feel like I have been in a perpetual state of grief. Mourning the illness and death of my sister, mourning the end of a dream and the closing a business that gave so much to my spirit, mourning relationships that failed, mourning a world in termoil and a global pandemic I certainly had never experienced before. I feel like my body and mind went into some hyper state of hibernation. It was one of survival. Truly. And I couldn't stop it. I think it was my defense mechanism to handling (or not handling) things. And on this side of it now, I can honestly say it was necessary for me to do that - to shut down. I had to. But I also have to pull myself out of it. That has been another journey.
What have I learned? Now, after focusing on JOY for 2 weeks?
That it is OK to FEEL the Joy. That is it actually quite necessary. And that there is a lot of it.
It is weird, how we put ourselves into this box where we almost feel we are not worthy of joy. I think that is where I was. I felt not worthy of feeling happiness . . . how could I? Everything (or, a number of things) that meant so much to me were gone. How could I smile and feel joy - knowing that my sister was no longer here to feel it? How could I enjoy something wonderful if I could no longer find the energy to create something myself? How could I laugh when so many people in our world were crying?
Stupid. I know. But the mind . . . when it starts thinking about something . . . is hard to convince otherwise. OF COURSE my sister would WANT me to feel joy. I know that. I say that. Convincing my mind . . . that was another thing. Allowing my heart . . . that was another thing.
But, I pushed. So hard. The past two weeks. To stop and just BE.
I am still reminding myself that it is ok. And I probably will continue to remind myself. But I feel lighter, in some ways. I am inhaling much more positive, and exhaling more grief these days. My eyebrows are up more often than down. My shoulders don't feel the pressure as much. My mind feels peace. So many good things that I had completely forgotten.
Here are the moments of joy I felt since starting this quest. For detailed explanation of each day, feel free hope on over to Instagram (on Instagram, search #100JOYFCCH . . . and they should all come up).
Thank you for checking in today, dear friends. I will be back with more soon . . . and a few general writing posts in between. Sending you all much love and joy, today and always.