From Chaos Comes Happiness

            There are not enough hours in the day.  No where near enough hours in the day.  And certainly not enough hours in my day . . . to make art .  Today, I felt it. This ache in the pit of my stomach. It happened around 6:10pm, after I arrived home from work and before I walked out the door to Ella's Brownie meeting. It was somewhere between stuffing Goldfish crackers in plastic sandwich baggies for their snack, or preparing for their Brownies art project by cutting plastic flowers off of stems. But somewhere around that time, I caught a glimpse of a mixed media piece hanging on my kitchen wall, and I felt this ache start inside of me.  I miss my art.  I've been in a creative black hole since the holidays. Once everything was done with the holiday fairs and vendor shows, I packed up one plastic bin of remaining art work and product, and closed the lid on the 2014 season. Since then, I have focused on the new job and home li...

                   I love when the Universe calls, you know? When you find yourself almost to the breaking point with thoughts of " life is rough and people can be pretty cruel and there is no way that I can make a difference"  - and then suddenly, a change. When the Universe reminds you of what matters. That yes, even in the simplest of ways, you can make a difference.  Yes, I love when that happens.  And this week, the Universe called me. Twice .  Most of you know that I went back into the work force two months ago - starting a new job at a pediatricians office on December 1st actually. Back in healthcare - the field that I have worked in for almost 25 years. It is a great fit for me (three days a week), and allows me enough flexibility that I can still have plenty of time to live out my creative dreams - and (most importantly) bring additional funds to our home on a regular basis.  Something is different abo...

       I'm doing it.  I am.  I. AM. DOING. IT.  I came to this realization last night, as I was packing up for my next art class at Bedford Park District (takes place Monday night, by the way, and I am really excited about it - because it is different from anything I have offered before.) But . . . I digress . . . as I stood in front of my plastic bin filling it with supplies and counting brushes & canvases - I realized, I am doing it.  I am having my cake . . . and eating it, too.  Over a year ago, Phil and I had a discussion about the idea of me returning to work. At the time, the thought upset me so much - that I think I cried for a number of days and totally shut down. It broke me. I don't know why. No, I take that back. I know exactly why.  I was scared. I was afraid I was going to have to give up this creative life that I have worked so hard to get to in the past three years. I was afraid I couldn't do it all. I was afraid I wo...

I've been stuck in an artless state for a few months now. Feeling unmotivated. Uncertain. Questioning what direction to go next, without so much as an ounce of creative passion in me. There is a huge amount of pressure and expectation that I put on the artist in me. Creating art is sort of a must, if you want to make money in your art. And I wasn't creating a thing, nor did I have a desire to do so. I was hopeless. It was icky. I thought,  "Maybe that was it. It was a nice run. . . maybe you're done."  Seriously. I meditated. I walked. I looked at the birds. I listened to music. I traveled. I drank wine. I laughed. I watched people. I read blogs. I read books. I sat in my mess of a studio without a bit of inspiration, and looked at the piles and piles of supplies I had . . . not knowing where to even begin. I sketched . . . a little. But nothing moved me. Not a single thing. Then, it was my birthday. I don't usually make much out of m...

         " Treat others as you would like to be treated ." I tell this to my kids . . . . over and over, like a broken record. I am sure they are tired of listening to it. But I will never tire saying those words.  I think they are one of the most important lessons I can teach them.  " Do unto others "  It's pretty powerful stuff, you know? And words that I truly believe can change the world.  Last week, while on Facebook - half reading and just skimming through posts of silly weather updates and inspiring art friends pictures - I learned that a neighbor friend of mine was in the hospital. Nothing too serious, but enough of an annoyance to take this mom of three kids from her home and admit her for a few days to try and heal her. After reading comments on her post and learning a little bit more of what was happening, " Dinner " immediately popped into my head. " I'll make them dinner, " I thought. " As soon as she is home, I'll m...

         So, how is your week going, my friend? Do you find yourself changing any behaviors or habits as a result of your word for this year? Well . . . I've been embracing FOCUS and all that comes with it. So much so, that I had a "Me Party" one day last week. And it was wonderful.  I've wanted to see the movie " Saving Mr. Banks " since it came out, but between Phil's travel schedule, my schedule, and the kids schedules, Phil and I could not get ourselves there. This bothered me so . . . especially since it looked like a movie I would greatly enjoy.  All week I hmmmed and hawed about going to see it - the guilt took over as I told myself, " No . . . You cannot take yourself during the day, while your kids are at school and your husband is at work. You should be home . . . doing laundry, making dinner, or painting. You don't deserve such a treat for yourself. "  And then, I told myself . . . " Go. Do it. You want to...

There are moments in this life when I feel the breath actually come out of my body. When I gasp, and have to inhale deeply, then hold it for a few seconds as the air fills my soul. Moments when I stop, FOCUS, and actually feel my place in the universe. Moments when I am not bothered by the hustle and bustle and chaos of life around me. Moments when I can stop it all . . . and just . . . BE. As part of my "Word of the Year", FOCUS , I am doing a great deal of that lately. These moments, the ones that take my breath away, are so important right now. They are exactly what I need. Moments like . . .  . . . when I am driving down my favorite road and I look at the beauty around me. Even in freezing temperatures and on cloudy days, the snow covered trees looked painted on by the angels in heaven, and it took my breath away. What a beautiful world.         . . . when I catch a tender moment between a man and his daughters, it takes my breath...

Oh, what a Happy Day, my friends!!! The weather is crazy here in Chicago . . . we're talking CRAZY. I've been stuck in the house for about three days now. (Did I mention, WITH MY CHILDREN?) And right now, they are driving me about as crazy as the weather is. PG is on a business trip, and I'm starving for some adult conversation and creative time. I did manage to do some major organizing of my art studio today, hence the give-away (which I'll get to in a minute). But before that, I have to tell you about something absolutely fantabulous! Today IS a happy day . . . because a dear friend of mine wrote a book!! Did I tell you? Of course I didn't. Not yet. Because I didn't have it in my hot little hands yet. But I do now, my friends. I have the book. The very book that my dear friend wrote. MY friend. It just arrived late last night, and I just opened it. I can tell, already, that it is going to be fantabulous (which is sort of a joint "fantastic" and...

No, no . . . dear friends, I am not  talking about letting the grays go el'natural on the hair coloring end of life. But thanks for thinking that! This is so much more than that. This is about life. Me. And Focus. You haven't forgotten that little 'Word of the Year' thing yet, have you? Focus. So, I'm doing that. A lot of it. The first thing I wanted to really focus on, was my writing. Here. On this blog. Last year was a pathetic attempt at writing. Again, with the mind going 100mph - there sure were opportunities of great thought coming in, but none of them stayed long enough to make it to the screen. So this week I wanted to really take a look at what kept me away from the blog. Why did my writing decline so much in 2013? What pulled me from something that meant so much to me for so very very long. It was simple . . . really. I think some where along my Blogland adventure last year, I tried to be something that I just wasn't. You under...

I'm so glad tomorrow is the last day of 2013. So glad to put the year behind and start anew. The energy when starting something from the beginning is always so good for my soul. And I am ready for it.  The holidays were wonderful in our happy, and very often chaotic, home. Yesterday we celebrated holiday gathering # 'I lost count already', and with only three more gatherings left to participate in . . . I look forward to a day when all emotions are in check (yes, there is always drama around the holidays) and for the the celebrations to come to a close. That being said . . . I thought I would share a few photos of the past few weeks with you.          The weather has been wild, and winter has already hit hard. Snow came much earlier than most years, and we've already seen record low temps in our little corner of the world. But the view from my favorite road has never been lovelier . . .          I started shopping for gifts later th...

Oh, my friends. . . . I'm good. I really, really am. I received two emails, two texts, and three phone calls after my last blog post. Worried, concerned, and just letting me know they were there . . . these simple messages from friends and loved ones once again reminded me that I am not alone. Even when I feel a little blue . . . I am the furthest from alone. And the support I have around me is unending. Thank you. So, I'm feeling better. I'm throwing myself back into this creative life - full force. Preparing for a Holiday Open House I am having at my home on the 30th of this month, and trying to keep focused on my long term goals. What are those long term goals? I desperately do not want to return to a life in an office talking health insurance. I want, so very much , to keep forging ahead in my creative life. And I am going to do whatever I can to do just that. I do have plans, ideas, money making thoughts. So for now, I'm focused on that side of my li...

Oh, the ups and downs. The blues. The dumps. Whatever it is. I'm fighting them. Big time. It's sort of crazy - the emotional state of my creative soul. Up and down . . . feels like one heck of a roller coaster. Am I an artist? Can I do this? Can I make it? What is "making it"? How long can I keep this up? When will I be able to contribute regularly to our family? Will I ever be able to? Is it time to get back to work? Like . . . the kind real work that I used to do? Oh, I feel like I'm on one heck of a roller coaster these days. Up and down . . . and up again. I remember . . . way back when . . . that I used to come to my blog when I found myself in this state of mind. Write it out. The cheapest and most effective form of therapy for me. So, here I am. Putting it out there. Do with it what you will, Universe. Because, like all that I've said before . . . it's me. And it's real. Yes, I've found myself questioning what I am doing, ...

"         I  took a drive through the forest preserves near my house today . . . It was cloudy - a grayish overcast outside - but in these woods, you couldn't tell. The changing colors were still so present, clouds and all. And only 5 minutes into my ride . . . I could feel that we are in middle of a great change in seasons. And I loved that today. It was just me . . . and the crickets chirping, the birds tweeting, the small little stream trickling, and the distant train whistles blowing. And it was beautiful.           I like to drive through here every few weeks. Sometimes I get out and walk for a while, alone . . . but not very often. I must have seen too many SVU crime shows to be comfortable in the woods by myself. But I still love being there.  Sometimes I get upset when I see a car pull up behind me. In my moments of peace, I find myself feeling hurried along and bothered, and usually pull off to the side so the other vi...

                         I could hear the squeak of the storm door back and forth. "Mommy, come on! " Ella said, as she stood holding the screen door open for me. She was ever-so-impatient as I stopped on our walkway to gaze at the beautiful scene above me. "Give me a minute, honey," I told her. "I want to take a quick picture of the sky. Did you see how it looks this morning?" Katie joined 5th grade band this year, so two days a week we have to get up extra early and drive her to our local junior high, where the whole band gathers for a lesson before school. She is learning the clarinet, and I am so happy she has decided to participate. I am so proud of her. I don't mind getting out of the house early and driving her. Getting an early start on these days often gives me the opportunity to catch a glimpse of some amazing sunrises, like today.  Ella closed the screen door, walked back to where I was...