Moments
I haven't been enjoying the little moments lately. You might be surprised by that. If you know me, you know that I am usually ALL ABOUT the little moments . . . taking notice of the birds, the leaves, dirty feet and lollipops. All things I have caught a glimpse of in the past and have written of here.
But lately, I'm trying to just get by. Trying.
Trying to raise my daughters. Trying to keep my house going. Trying to balance the national debt (our debt, that it). Trying to start a business. Trying to be a friend. Trying to be a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a wife, a mother. Trying to be me.
And the little moments? They are getting lost in the middle of all of the chaos. They are being overlooked and swept aside for something more pressing. Like, laundry. Or, groceries. Or . . . you know. Life.
And I miss them . . . the little moments.
I feel the difference in my soul.
Because those little moments make up the person I am.
And when I am without them, I feel empty.
On Halloween night, another one of those "A-ha" moments happened for me, and it all had to do with the little moments.
It was 9:00 pm, and I was exhausted. The weekend caught up with me, the day of fun caught up with me, the husband leaving for another business trip caught up with me. And I was cranky. My mind was on the schedule for the next 5 days, and the thought of PG being gone and me being in solo mode was all that I was thinking of. And then . . . there with my mind going in a thousand directions . . . I had two little girls to put to bed.
I am always amazed at the different behaviors of my two daughters. Bedtime is when I can really see it. Ella is pretty cooperative and usually jumps into bed without any prompting needed. She plays hard during her day, so she welcomes the softness of her pillow and her comfy bed with open arms. A story, a kiss, and she is down for the count. Katie, on the other hand, always has a million things she has to accomplish before she can go to bed. One last drink of water, one last look at a book, socks on the feet, blankets in place, and then . . . oh, yeah, "Mom . . . I have to tell you this one thing before you leave" is always uttered from her lips when I put her to bed at night. She tells stories like her father (which, if you know anything about Phil, know that his story telling abilities are very detailed. This detail can turn into some pretty lengthy stories!) It is usually a given that Katie will summons me back into her room to tell me "one more thing" every single night. Over and over again.
This drives me crazy.
It does. Really. Because I usually have three loads of laundry to get to, or a dishwasher to empty, or a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills episode to watch (hey . . . I'm being honest here . . . I need some down time!).
So, back to Halloween Night . . . I was ready for the couch. And there was Katie . . . calling me back into her room.
"Mommy?"
"Mommy?!?"
"MOM!"
"Kate," I said . . . very frustrated and ready to be done for the night, "what is it?"
"Mommy," she answered, "I just want to tell you that I had a really great day today. The best day in my whole life."
Bam.
Right there. A moment.
Not only that she wanted to tell me that she had the best day in her life. But that . . . she called me back in her room. I realize that my 8 year old will not always call me back into her room. I realize that there will be a time when she wants me no where near her room.
And right then and there, I realized that this moment is what I always dreamed of. 20 years ago, when I was looking for love and trying to figure out so badly who I wanted to be in this world, and what I wanted to do with my life . . . I knew that I always wanted to be a Mom. I knew I always wanted to feel the unconditional love that I saw my nephew give his mom. I new that I wanted to fill my home with love and laughter and family and happiness. I knew that I wanted to end each day reading bedtime stories and giving kisses and hugs.
And then start each day over again.
Mommy.
I'm living my dreams. Not my artist dreams. Not my business dreams. My LIFE dreams.
And I am blessed.
Here are just a few pictures of a our many Halloween "moments" that I wanted to share with you . . .
But lately, I'm trying to just get by. Trying.
Trying to raise my daughters. Trying to keep my house going. Trying to balance the national debt (our debt, that it). Trying to start a business. Trying to be a friend. Trying to be a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a wife, a mother. Trying to be me.
And the little moments? They are getting lost in the middle of all of the chaos. They are being overlooked and swept aside for something more pressing. Like, laundry. Or, groceries. Or . . . you know. Life.
And I miss them . . . the little moments.
I feel the difference in my soul.
Because those little moments make up the person I am.
And when I am without them, I feel empty.
On Halloween night, another one of those "A-ha" moments happened for me, and it all had to do with the little moments.
It was 9:00 pm, and I was exhausted. The weekend caught up with me, the day of fun caught up with me, the husband leaving for another business trip caught up with me. And I was cranky. My mind was on the schedule for the next 5 days, and the thought of PG being gone and me being in solo mode was all that I was thinking of. And then . . . there with my mind going in a thousand directions . . . I had two little girls to put to bed.
I am always amazed at the different behaviors of my two daughters. Bedtime is when I can really see it. Ella is pretty cooperative and usually jumps into bed without any prompting needed. She plays hard during her day, so she welcomes the softness of her pillow and her comfy bed with open arms. A story, a kiss, and she is down for the count. Katie, on the other hand, always has a million things she has to accomplish before she can go to bed. One last drink of water, one last look at a book, socks on the feet, blankets in place, and then . . . oh, yeah, "Mom . . . I have to tell you this one thing before you leave" is always uttered from her lips when I put her to bed at night. She tells stories like her father (which, if you know anything about Phil, know that his story telling abilities are very detailed. This detail can turn into some pretty lengthy stories!) It is usually a given that Katie will summons me back into her room to tell me "one more thing" every single night. Over and over again.
This drives me crazy.
It does. Really. Because I usually have three loads of laundry to get to, or a dishwasher to empty, or a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills episode to watch (hey . . . I'm being honest here . . . I need some down time!).
So, back to Halloween Night . . . I was ready for the couch. And there was Katie . . . calling me back into her room.
"Mommy?"
"Mommy?!?"
"MOM!"
"Kate," I said . . . very frustrated and ready to be done for the night, "what is it?"
"Mommy," she answered, "I just want to tell you that I had a really great day today. The best day in my whole life."
Bam.
Right there. A moment.
Not only that she wanted to tell me that she had the best day in her life. But that . . . she called me back in her room. I realize that my 8 year old will not always call me back into her room. I realize that there will be a time when she wants me no where near her room.
And right then and there, I realized that this moment is what I always dreamed of. 20 years ago, when I was looking for love and trying to figure out so badly who I wanted to be in this world, and what I wanted to do with my life . . . I knew that I always wanted to be a Mom. I knew I always wanted to feel the unconditional love that I saw my nephew give his mom. I new that I wanted to fill my home with love and laughter and family and happiness. I knew that I wanted to end each day reading bedtime stories and giving kisses and hugs.
And then start each day over again.
Mommy.
I'm living my dreams. Not my artist dreams. Not my business dreams. My LIFE dreams.
And I am blessed.
Here are just a few pictures of a our many Halloween "moments" that I wanted to share with you . . .
I hope you enjoy some of your little moments today, my friends!
Peace.
Great Post! I want to be you when I grow up!!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post! I love reading about blessed lives :)
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post. My heart is peaceful now!
ReplyDeleteWonderfully said :)
ReplyDeleteThose moments are epic for our souls aren't they?
ReplyDeleteRight now, I grasp tooth and nail to those moments...ones where my heart beats with the stillness of my breath and thoughts...just filling with love.
Thank you for this sweet friend.
I'm hoping the rest of your week is a little less chaotic and a little more "ah ha" ish...is that a word?
Oh, Leanne...YOU GET IT!! You, do. Looking back I know I did, too...but then I'd lose it. I would forget how so very important those precious moments were. I would be too tired, too grumpy...wanting time for just me.
ReplyDeleteI understand!!
But do take those moments. You will miss them with all your heart and wish them back. You will relive those moments over and over again and hold on tight to them.
I know...because I do.
Your Halloween looks pretty amazing!!!
Love ya!
My dear bloggy friend, I know how we can get so caught up in the daily stuff that we pass by some of the little moments. Those moments are so important to me and I think about capturing them all the time. I think that because you know how important they are to you that although life can get busy sometimes, you will always find a way to regroup and get back to holding on to those moments. The costumes are so cute! I hope you are well! Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteMama Hen
That was A wonderful POST.Gosh, Leanne - I'm all inspired now to live a most thoughfut existence. Yeah- I think I have been in a fog for a few months, life is.. well.. topsy turvy..
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder.
I think I will reconnect, tonight - after mass. It's time. I KNOW I can enjoy this life...