Taking Care of my Hyperventilating Hero Self

Lately, I find myself spending a good part of each and every day trying to not have a panic attack - which is absolutely ridiculous, and I get angry just to hear myself say it. I don't know how other people handle it . . . this thing called life.  How they meet all of their responsibilities and deal with everything on their plates without going into a complete and total breakdown is just beyond me. God Bless 'em.  

Some days, as I'm driving in the car, I find myself taking deep breaths in and out and counting to 10 just to keep myself from hyperventilating. The car is when I do a lot of thinking - when it all seems to catch up with me. So I breath in and out, over and over, trying to re-group. It all will get done. It all will be fine. I can do this. I tell myself those things . . . over and over again.  

And I've got it so easy, too. Really. I know this as clear as day. I know that there are  people out there that have it bad. Really bad. I don't have a bad. Not at all. So don't feel sorry for me, ok? 

I just am, as my sister and I love to say, a "hot mess". 

During a magazine promotional sale at a store recently, I found myself subscribing to the Oprah's magazine 'O'. I was an old reader from way back when, but it was one of those things that I crossed off the list when my job status changed and I found myself focused on our household budget.  I always missed it, though, because I thought it was a good publication with great 'self-help' articles for women. 

My first issue just arrived a few weeks ago. It was almost made for me, this issue. I'm sure of it. 

When I took a glance at the cover - there in the right-hand corner, were the words "O's Guide for Caring for Yourself While Taking Care of Others". It almost made me cry. Boy-oh-boy, did I need that.   

As I embark on this next adventure in my life (going back to work), it is imperative that I take care of myself. And taking care of myself is probably my biggest failure in life of all. 

I'd like to think that I'm really good at taking care of others – I put the needs of my children first and foremost to any need I could possibly have. (I have been known to put the wants of my kids above my own needs, which definitely has to change.) But when I see them look at back at me in the car, I know that they are pretty awesome. They are happy. They are healthy. They are living through some awesome experiences and opportunities in their lives. They are loved. They are protected. They are all good. 

They really are pretty awesome . . . you know? 

But me, taking care of me? 

FAIL. 

I wonder why that is. Why I have neglected my self for so long. Is it the mother in me? Or the procrastinator? I always say it is easier for me to tell a friend what to do (and how to follow their dreams) then for me to follow my own. It is easier for me to tell someone else to pray, than for me to pray. Tell someone else to get rest, than for me to get rest myself. It is easier for me to tell someone else not to eat the cookie, than for me put it down myself.

Yes, taking care of myself . . . not so easy. 

Further down the right margin of the "O" magazine, was another title that caught my eye . . . 

Wow. 

Be my OWN hero. 

Could I imagine that? Could you? 

Do we ever consider ourselves a "hero"? Or do we continue to strive toward perfection. Continue to burn our candles at both ends until we can hardly stand. Continue to push forward in search of feeling great. 

These are things I am going to focus on in the coming months. 

Taking care of me & Being my Own Hero. And Oprah? She's gonna help me do it. 

I start work on December 1st. I imagine I'll be having a few more deep breath moments until then. But I will also be working on me. 

How about you? Are you taking care of you? Leave me a comment . . . I'd love to know. 

Until we chat again, I bid you peace. 

xo