From Chaos Comes Happiness

I am feeling better this week, my friends. Still having a few anxiety filled moments, but working very hard at keeping it all in control. I am trying to take more time, here and there, for my spirit. Even if only to close my eyes, take deep breaths in, and gain some quiet within my mind. It seems to be helping. Greatly.  I am also taking more photos and recognizing the "GOOD" each day. The GOOD . . . that seems to be what has kept me focused. I have so much good in my life (I hope that we all do). But in recent months, I allowed myself to get away from it. These past two weeks, I have  tried to reflect on it more often. To capture those moments and hold them a little closer before letting them go to the universe. The GOOD. Like . . . .  My dear friend, Scott    Scott and I have been friends for over 30 years (I think). He sent me a message after my last blog post (which means he must have actually read my blog post - that, alone, blew my mind), saying things onl...

My friends . . . where have you been?       And where, you may ask, have I been? Processing. Just . . . processing.      Processing Life. The weeks. The days. The moments. All of them. It has been a particularly challenging year for me and my 44 year old self (whooaaaa - when did that happen? 44 years? I thought I was 30. 32 tops.) It has been a year of trying desperately to hold on to myself, while somehow letting myself go. A year of autopilot - trying to do what I needed to do when I needed to do it, but fighting with myself all the while. A year of quiet struggles within my own mind. Yes, a challenging year, for sure. I started to think of the areas in my life as separate neighborhoods within myself - little communities - each with their own needs and wants, and often requiring much at the most inopportune moments. Mommy hood.  Wife hood.  Laundry hood.  Sibling h...

      Taking a few minutes tonight outside . . . a few quiet minutes before the work begins.  Trying to find some peace in the chaos that has been life this summer.  Between the children, the job, and the husbands travel schedule, I haven't spent a lot of time out here. And tonight is perfect. The perfect temperature. The perfect sunset. The perfect bird sounds. Perfect.  Last week was a rough one. Like, really rough. Like, I was ready to throw the towel in. All of them. Haven't felt that way in a long long time. But last week, I felt it. Every single day.  Tonight, I am taking deep breaths. I am reminding myself of my blessings (of which there are many). I am forgiving myself. I am loving myself. I am telling myself that hard times will always come, and will always pass . . . I am reminding myself of my dreams, of my passions, of my abilities. One of my biggest fears in going back to healthcare, is losing sight of who I am inside. Lately, I feel so ov...

If you are a Facebook friend of mine, you may be aware of the emotional events regarding 'Girl Scout Camp' that took place in our lives this week. (Oh, how I think I aged 10 years in the past 24 hours! Lordy!) If we do not cross Facebook paths, allow me to share a little story with you . . . It has to do with my oldest daughter, Katie . . . and a word we now refer to as the new "4 letter word" in our house . . . CAMP. As I gather my thoughts to sit and write the story of our experience - only now do I feel the anxiety lowering, the blood pressure has returned to a manageable level, and I am actually taking full, deep breaths in and out. Sometimes being a parent is rough . . . My oldest daughter signed up for Girl Scout camp this summer. From the beginning, I didn't feel good about it. And why would I? I am certain that in some past life of mine, I was a princess (or perhaps even a Queen).  I am the girl who insists we only sleep in hotels with "insid...

          I love when I find a little note from one of my girls, here or there in unassuming locations throughout the house.  Hi Mom.  A little message left secretly. This time, it was found on our family room coffee table, gently tucked under a coaster. I found it last week, while enjoying a few moments of quiet.  Hi Mom.  It made me smile. Because this little "Hi" was just what I needed.  I immediately thought about my blog, and realized that it has been way too long since I said Hi.  So, to those who may stop by for a visit from time to time . . . Hi.  How are you?  Me? Oh, I'm good. Really.  The past two months have been jam packed. Ella's Communion, a weekend art class at a studio in Milwaukee, the end of the school year for Ella & Kate (which included a variety of end of school events and activities), business trips for Phil, a family vacation to South Carolina, teaching art classes at Bedford for me, as we...

  Phil is out of town. Has been all week. We have a few more days until he returns . . . and I can't wait. My brain is full. This happens from time to time. I sit in silence, but the thoughts keep coming at me full force. I can't work them all out. Usually, when he is in town, I can bounce them off him. He listens (or maybe sometimes doesn't), but he is physically there receiving them. Right now, not so much.  So I am sitting in my living room this very minute, windows open with a gentle breeze coming in and out, the sounds of cars driving by, birds singing, neighbors talking, and my own two girls playing Barbie's all taking place in the background.  And me . . . the mind is just going.  So I thought I would capture these thoughts . . . as many as I could . . . in no particular order. Thoughts like . . .  I am so grateful for that dishwasher. I wonder how many times other people run theirs? I wonder how often people have to get new machines. What is the going a...

              A cardinal has been hanging around my house lately.  Last week he visited for three mornings in a row, usually around 7am. I heard him chirping away, calling out for his friends, as I sat at the kitchen table taking my first few sips of coffee.  Each day I tried to take a photo of him. The one above was the best I could take - because each time I pulled out the 'real' camera (with the awesome zoom lense), he'd fly away. Almost as if he was saying, "Nope, I am not here for that. I am here just for you ."   I got smart, and started to leave the camera on a little end table in my living room - with camera out of bag and lense already on, I was ready for his close-up.  He didn't come by the two days following. Darn Bird.   So me, my Cardinal, and my little iPhone camera meet up.  I love when he comes by. Because I feel like he is my Dad, checking on me. Just letting me know that he is around.  I still ...