Tough Love
So, PG kinda called me on the carpet tonight.
Except, we weren't on the carpet. We were driving in the car to Ella's Kindergarten (gulp) Information Night.
"So, what's going on with your business?" he asked.
Are you kidding? I thought to myself . . . Now? You're going to ask me about my life right now? Wow. We have about 8 minutes of free car riding time . . . where shall I begin?
"Um . . . I don't know" I answered.
And there you have it.
I don't know.
He drove and talked. I nodded my head. I heard all the words of encouragement coming from him. I understood everything he said.
But the truth is . . . I have no idea what is happening to me.
I have no idea what I am doing with my life.
Really. No idea . . . at all.
So, we attended the meeting. Learned all we needed to learn about helping our youngest as she begins this new chapter in her life. And then, we returned to the car to talk more about this most recent chapter of my life.
I wish I was starting Kindergarten in the fall.
Except, we weren't on the carpet. We were driving in the car to Ella's Kindergarten (gulp) Information Night.
"So, what's going on with your business?" he asked.
Are you kidding? I thought to myself . . . Now? You're going to ask me about my life right now? Wow. We have about 8 minutes of free car riding time . . . where shall I begin?
"Um . . . I don't know" I answered.
And there you have it.
I don't know.
He drove and talked. I nodded my head. I heard all the words of encouragement coming from him. I understood everything he said.
But the truth is . . . I have no idea what is happening to me.
I have no idea what I am doing with my life.
Really. No idea . . . at all.
So, we attended the meeting. Learned all we needed to learn about helping our youngest as she begins this new chapter in her life. And then, we returned to the car to talk more about this most recent chapter of my life.
I wish I was starting Kindergarten in the fall.
"What do you do during your day?" he asked.
"Well . . . I don't know," I told him. "I take care of the girls. They are my priority."
"Yes, and they are wonderful," he added, "but . . . don't you think it's time you take on something else? They're doing just fine. Now, what about you?"
Shit. Really. Sorry for the profanity. I just had to get that out.
What about me?
I have no idea.
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| Artwork by . . . me |
For the record . . . I have no problem following my heart. However, my heart has no idea which way to go. And that is a problem.
Ever feel this way? Leave me a comment. I'd love to know.
Yup nodding head...
ReplyDeleteI have no idea where I'm going. Chunky starts school in September and I thought he was only going every other day...but our municipality changed it to everyday.
SI husband said "what are you going to do?" and I don't know. School perhaps? Job? I really don't know. It's overwhelming to think about it really.
I just feel that my feet will guide
Me in the right direction. I just have to be patient. And I need to know what I want...and what would
Make my heart happy.
Xoxo
Maybe you ARE in Kindergarten right now....It was my experience as I was raising my daughter that I did go through some of the exact same psychological developmental stages as she went through them. It gives us an opportunity to heal what might have been missed the first time around. If you are in Kindergarten, then watch her closely and you will know how to BE, and your doing will naturally flow from that place. When you don't know where to go, stay where you are. Listen, watch, feel where your energy wants to go, then follow it, moment by moment. No rush, No push. I KNOW you will find your way.
ReplyDeleteUm, yes, I feel that way EVERY day! But, I believe the freedom and possibilities lay in the not knowing. You will find your way! :-)
ReplyDeleteLeanne....THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I sooooo feel this way right now. I have soooo many thoughts and ideas running around in my head yet I don't have any real direction.
ReplyDeleteI feel so much in limbo. My kids will be out of the house in 3 years!!! I can't believe that:( AND I am so unhappy with myself...my weight, my health, my physical fitness. I want so many things for my life...but yet I feel like that Lost in Space robot right now...totally flailing my arms around going " Will Robinson, Will Robinson".
You are not alone!!! I am not alone...yay!
I think you should keep on creating and writing and being the best Mom...and I will do the same and we will be ok:)
Love,
Leslie
Yes!!! I always feel this way, I sometimes want to give up and get a job and get a paycheck every week but I really LOVE my ART my freedom my space and my time I still cook clean take the kids to school and do all the housewifey things and I just LOVE what Im doing:O)I find myself feeling exactly like you and it always comes back to I love my art I do know it helps if we have friends near who think and create like we do and Ive yet to find some that are close and willing to put into the friendship. But I going to keep trying and trying like I did when I worked a normal job:O) hang in there you are not alone!!!!! Lots of Hugs:O)
ReplyDeleteOf course I get it! I am so flippy floppy these days, it just frustrates me so. I miss the days of high school and college,w here you set goals and achieved them. IS it possible to set yourself some daily as well as weekly and monthly goals. Give yourself something to strive for with your business? I don't know, maybe it will help. :-)
ReplyDeleteI send hugs. You know you really DO have it all together! Sometimes it just takes a village to help us realize that. And to learn to move beyond our fears...... those damn fears!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteI so related to your words. I almost found myself chuckling at the thought of, “this sounds just like a conversation I would have with my husband.”
I ask myself all to often, “what did you do today?”
Sometimes I just get lost in the vastness of the day.
I believe that I have so many project and creative dreams, that I become paralyzed by the vastness of it all.
My husband consistently suggests the use of a white board to organize my thoughts, list my priority, and to celebrate my accomplishments.
This sounds so easy. I think I may just give it a try. I’ve already bought the white board.
Join me and let me know that you discover.
xoxo
Eydie
I'm right there with you sweetie....I have no idea what I am doing! It's really starting to drive me crazy :S Although, I have faith (my word for 2012) that we will eventually figure it out. :)
ReplyDelete